Gone to America

Sunday 11th of September 2005

Vancouver

Blog

, posted by Anthony during lunch time.

I have returned from Canada. Actually, I got back on Tuesday morning. This was my first red-eye flight experience – I left Vancouver on Monday evening, arrived in Newark on Tuesday morning and went straight in to work. I can’t sleep on planes. At least, I can’t sleep on full planes. If I can find three empty seats to stretch out I have a fighting chance, but I knew full well that there wasn’t a whelk’s chance in hell of that. The first leg of the journey had some free seats, but it only lasted two hours. The seven hour flight from Las Vegas to New York on the last day of the bank holiday weekend was never going to be a place to stretch out.

I’m never doing that again. As lunch time rolled around I hadn’t slept for about thirty hours. I swear I fell asleep at my desk for several five minute chunks. I ducked out a little early and slept for a long time that night. The rest of the week was great – I’ve basically been QA(Quality Assurance)‘ing the game from a production point of view. This means playing it. Full time. For money. I knew I’d be doing that a little, but this week it was upgraded to my main priority. Score!

I know I gloated about this in my last post as well, but I really do think it’s worth two posts. A definite two-post-gloater. Life is strange. This was never a job I looked for, or even one I knew existed. People ask, “how do you get into the game industry?”. I have absolutely no idea. It seems that it’s important to work as a sound editor in Ireland for a number of years, then spend nine months more or less unemployed in New York. Having a roommate called Marilyn is also key. It helps to have familiarised yourself with programs like Excel and Filemaker Pro – if I was just good at ProTools I’d still be freelancing. And be a gamer. That’s not necessary but it helps.

Did I blog that already? It looks familiar, but that could be just because it’s been floating around in my head. I can’t be bothered to check. There are too many entries to trawl through, even at my greatly reduced posting rate.

Anyway, Vancouver. Nice place. Pretty small. Had a pleasant walk along the sea wall, watching the aqua planes take off and land. I wasn’t really there long enough to get a proper feel for the place. Lots of junkies, oddly. Scrawny and prematurely aged. I was offered drugs for sale twice and saw at least four deals go down in broad daylight. Nearly two years in NYC and I’ve never seen that. I never felt particularly unsafe, although I doubt there’s often any correlation between how safe you feel and how safe you actually are.

I found Canadians to be very friendly. Twice in one diner while having breakfast chatty Canadians joined in our conversation, offering restaurant advice and talking knowledgably about European politics. They’re also polite, although this was sometimes to the point of weirdness. We were in a bar – not a particularly nice bar either, grungy at best – and people were forming a line to buy drinks. A line. An honest to God queue. It took us a while to figure out why we weren’t being served. I still can’t believe it.

The “we” here is myself and James Finlan, whom I met while working on The Tailor of Panama, although in the good old fashioned Irish way we already had friends in common, mainly frequent commenter and one time contributor Daragh Pounch. Mostly the trip was fun due to the hanging out and shooting the breeze.

I have good friends in New York for whom I’m very grateful, but due to the inflexible nature of time I haven’t known any of them for more than two years, and I do occasionally miss sitting down for a few pints with people with whom I have an extended history. Unfortunately, usually when I do get an opportunity to do this it means more to me than it does to them. When I left I left all that behind, and arrived here not knowing anybody. But my friends didn’t – they still had each other. And while it might be nice for them to see me after a long break, they haven’t been starved of old friends as I have. Luckily for me James has been living in Canada with no old friends for about six months so he was as happy to talk nonsense for extended periods of time as I was.

And we sorted out the whole JIMI invasion thing. In the tradition of Nancy Drew’s Hardy boys, Alfred Hitchcock’s three investigators and various other possessed amateur detectives we followed clues, made deductions and tracked him to his lair. At this point there was a dramatic twist involving betrayal, stolen identity and piles of rotting salami, but all was resolved happily amidst the dramatic smoking wreckage of an illicit and unlicensed industrial blogging plant in Gastown. James will resume the mantle of JIMI for commenting purposes once his blogging arm heals and under certain very strict conditions which I shall not reveal here. I was somewhat disappointed to learn that Vancouver has no frozen tundras, but I rallied on.

I played poker last night in the West Village. It was more or less the same group of people that I beat to win a tournament back in February. I hadn’t actually played since then. I did very badly. I played tight, but I just got no cards. I won no hands whatsoever. I was the fourth person to lose their initial buy in, which goes to show how tight I was playing because each of the other three had won some hands. Right at the end, when I was short stacked, I drew Kings and went all in. Of course, the guy to my left had Aces. I could have re-bought, but I didn’t really see the point so I went to a bar with another early loser. Interestingly, it was still a fun evening. I got to hang out and I only lost $20 – hell, I spent more than twice that on taxis and beer.

I’m getting some interesting feedback about the Blargument. Some people have even registered, but nobody has joined in yet. Please do. I know it’s not the most user friendly thing in the world, but you’re smart, you’ll figure it out. I’m ahead in the poll, but that’s no surprise considering how right I am.

I’m sure there was something else I meant to say – I almost always forget something, and then it’s too late. If a blog isn’t about things that just happened, then what is it?

Get well soon, Eleanor! And you should really try and avoid that sort of thing in the futue. It leaves a bad impression.

Comments on "Vancouver"

Comment ID: 3165
At 12:05 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, GONE TO CANADA INC. channelled

STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT

Gone to Canada has been taken off the air and JIMI has agreed to stick within the strict conditions set by Anthony.

JIMI apologises for the lowering of the tone in this blog and shall endeavour to write all his/her comments in the “faux stupidity” style favoured by other contributors to the comments section. He regrets any insinuations he may have made that the sophisticated use of the popular “faux stupidity” style was actually a symptom of real or actual stupidity and realises now that it was all just a little too highbrow for him.

He shall endeavour to familiarise himself with this new writing style as exemplified in Salman Rushdie’s new book “Shalimar the Clown” and in future shall try to confine his comments to observations on football (soccer) matches and/or fart jokes as stipulated in the agreement made with Anthony (Litton V JIMI Sept 3, 2005).

He regrets any offence caused by his scurrilous statements and admits that Benjamyn Goldstein and Krystof Krackowski do not exist but were fabricated as part of his elaborate and malicious ruse.

STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT STATEMENT
Comment ID: 3166
At 12:06 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI was inspired to add

So, er… anyone got any good fart jokes???
Comment ID: 3167
At 12:08 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI started typing, with this result

Ah fook! Cork beat Galway in de hurlin!

(er… Anthony… am I allowed mention hurling?)
Comment ID: 3168
At 12:11 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI discoursed

Lads? Where are ye? Need some backup here… Anyone got any fart or tit jokes????

Anyone???
Comment ID: 3169
At 3:49 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Dean asserted

I’m not playing anymore… Anyway, Antoinne! What’s the Blarguemen thingy!? Is it something we kiss in Kerry or have I missed out on important details leading to it’s where abouts? (Bare in mind I’m on Mac and your site won’t show properly) and dude… It’s never the wrong time to discuss games! (Any inside info eh? eh? eh?)
Comment ID: 3170
At 3:58 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Dean was inspired to add

Ahem! I just read the last comments post yokey and was alarmed at the poor and cowardly attacks on Monsieur Daragh. Honestly, I’m sickened. How can you mock him so, a man of huge multilingual ability and winner of 2 Nobel Prizes in modern speech therapy! Wee-wee! toute alor ma copain!!!! Guerre!!! Vive la Guerre!!! Whoauu-hau-hooorr!!!!
Comment ID: 3171
At 4:02 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Dean opined

as for the Blargument! I mean, wha’ dyiz be doing all day that ye have time for such a load of ******! Yawn!!! Du bist cvatch mein verloren freundin!!! Alles ist cvatch!!!! Und nicht zer intereseirrent!!! Sie musst der schone frauleners finden fur the bang-bang instead!!! Daragh.. have a bird for ya in October!!!
Comment ID: 3172
At 4:05 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Dean discoursed

And Finally (For today at least!) I turn my attention to you.. JIMI!!!!!!
All I can say is… “Quitter!!”

And relax
Comment ID: 3173
At 6:46 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, daragh pounch channelled

Babs I’ll have you for breakfast! Nigel I’ll scrape you from my shoe! Babs & Nigel you belong together, you compliment each other – this could be the first blog romance!.......I was right….. to think that I hated Benny from Canada, when all along it was you…. Jimmy Finlan! James just say it as it is and be yourself it’s more interesting than those characters that you have created. Anthony & Pheilm – ‘nough chat on Irish Cinema – you guys eat film – you’re film- makers yourselves – make the film that you would like to see – simple! If you don’t like whats out there – change it! show us your world – whatever the capacity may be. Anthony & Pheilm – you write well- so write the script – you have a wealth of editors to choose from James,Zaini, and yes even you Nigel! D.P’s – Ivan,Ruairi….need I go on. You have a voice / vision – USE IT! we’re not getting any younger…. as James Finlan once said to me ‘I enjoy all of your film’!
Comment ID: 3174
At 8:18 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Ivan announced

Just checkin to see if my new gravatar is workin yet?
Comment ID: 3175
At 8:19 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Ivan realised it was important that we all should understand

Ah well…
Comment ID: 3176
At 8:23 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Babs asserted

Ha!! You aren’t even fit to COOK my breakfast let alone threaten me, chuckles!!

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!!

(I’m attempting to stay within the maturity bounds. I’m doing quite well, I think lol)
Comment ID: 3177
At 8:26 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Babs wrote

Also, for the record, I don’t know any fart jokes.

I do, however, know the one about the nun and the rabbi.
Comment ID: 3178
At 10:01 am on Monday 12th of September 2005, Dean stated

Jesus Christ! Will you whiney film wannabes give it a rest! Bring back the Guerrilla Blog!!! I’ll personaly travel to Canada on a funding expedition to drum up support and finance!

Oh and… What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t even leave a hole!!!!
Comment ID: 3179
At 12:04 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, Nigel said

Bring it on Daragh! There are only a few dozen flights a day from Dublin to London. What’s stopping you?

Punctuate, punctuate!
Comment ID: 3180
At 12:08 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, Babs started typing, with this result

I desperately want to say what’s stopping him is the inability to sign his name to a boarding pass, but I’m far too polite.

Oh hell. No, I’m not.
Comment ID: 3181
At 12:25 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI declared

Thanks for the tip Daragh. Yes, as you can see, I’ve killed all the characters. What was I thinking? Funny, moi? I think not.

By the way, has anyone seen the 40 year old virgin? Or is it out in Ireland yet?

Discuss…
Comment ID: 3182
At 12:28 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI wanted everyone to know

Wow, things are really moving here. Anyways, Babs – tell us the one about the nun and the rabbi…
Comment ID: 3183
At 12:36 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI posted

By the way, I’m not exactly a sports nut but I have a soft spot for tennis. Did anyone see Agassi V Federer? There was actually a brief moment there where I thought Agassi was actually going to beat him. I guess it was when he broke his serve early on in the third set. He was in the running right up until the tie-breaker and then once Federer won the 3rd set it was all over.
Comment ID: 3184
At 2:49 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, Babs wrote

Um. I actually DON’T know that one. I was ad-libbing, man. I DO know the one about the duck and the grapes, know that one??
Comment ID: 3185
At 2:53 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, Babs imparted

Oh, and I meant to say, Anthony, ALL that time here and you’ve not seen ONE drug deal?!?

Hell, I’ve got offers from crack dealers all over the place here. I tell them no, they forget by the next day and ask me again. Tne twits.

Though, in fairness, there’s also been 2 murders here and someone got shot in front of the store I go to up the street. So maybe, erm. Yea. It’s better you DON’T see the crack dealers in your neighborhood.

It ain’t fun lol
Comment ID: 3186
At 4:32 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI announced

Anthony – I wouldn’t have offered you except I thought you were hip. Crack is a way of life here. I always do a bit of crack or meth before my morning jog. It’s good for you, honest.

As regards that line in the bar – that was the exception, not the rule. I’ve NEVER seen that before here. It’s funny – of all the bars to see it in, I mean that wasn’t exactly a nice polite Canadian bar. That bar made The Bankers in Dublin look like a yuppy hangout…
Comment ID: 3187
At 5:00 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, daragh pounch felt the urge to write

Ok heres the story : The Canada man is actually a good guy – he’s James Finlan – he’s alright Dean – Honest! He’s just hiding and pretending to be some one else- don’t now why he’s doing this anoying character but we’ll wait and see. Nigel I’ve heard you are a very good editor and good at what you do – but you’re still a DICK in my book – Jesus I’ve tried, tried so hard to like you but i just can’t seem to do it – and i will start…..... stop …. and dash anyway I want! Punk chew ate !
But seriously, i am joking , honest you’re a good guy too and Anthony respects or is it suspects you a lot!ha ha – ok here’s the deal nigel – get a script out of Anthony – I know all he needs is a good kick up the hole to get him started and we’ve elected you for the job! You got good ideas too – start him off – hey yea what an idea – this is going to be the first ever blog script! each day a person contributes to the story- so as we all know a page of script is measured up into ‘eights’ – each person will write a cople lines or finish each others sentences- nigel you do the rules and Anthony has full editoral control – we’ll go through drafts just like the real thing and maybe go through a vote or comments box – on how the story is developing- sorry for the dots and dashes- i write like i say or think and i’m not a very good typist and i just like to piss Anthony & Nigel off. Babs I want ideas from you too! I know it hurts when you think too much but you’ll just have to try! ah na you’re a good auld soul aren’t you – I will cook you breakfast – i make great pancakes it’ll be wonderfull – but Nigel might get jealous – But seriously – Babs your talent lies within the beat on the street – you got your ear firmly to the ground and you know all these great characters and stories and you’ve got a good imagination – so lets hear you- all aboard .. . passengers on Babs train of thought! Anthony you’re too quite these days – let’s here you! – Mary Mulan ! Where are you- lets have some ideas- James – change the character – make it one of your russian mates – what wonderful eye you have .. tonight i’m feeling 60 …40… etc….
I guess it does take a weather man to know which way the wind blows.
Comment ID: 3188
At 5:15 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, daragh pounch felt the urge to write

“Your request has been noted and will be ignored in due course” – excerpt from ‘Ask Anthony’.
Comment ID: 3189
At 5:20 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, JIMI decided it was worth pointing out

er… Daragh… I HAVE changed the character. JIMI is me, James Finlan and I should know, what with me being me and you being you and all that. I’m not hiding anymore and you’ll be relieved to know, I’m not trying to be funny anymore.

I believe some people, yourself included used to call me Jimmy back in Ireland. All I’ve done is changed the spelling to JIMI. And this is how I talk. I tend to spell things correctly and punctuate correctly and I know the difference between ‘quiet’ and ‘quite’ and all that but what can I say? That’s just the way I am.

I’ve dropped Benjamin and Krystof and now I’m just being boring old me. Sorry that my sense of humour didn’t appeal to you. I’m tired of the Russian character but feel free to adopt him for yourself. How’s Ireland treating you by the way? How’s the new job going?
Comment ID: 3190
At 11:16 pm on Monday 12th of September 2005, Babs wrote

My train of thought was derailed YEARS ago, so they say.

And NO one asked about the duck and the grapes joke.

Snots!!
Comment ID: 3191
At 12:27 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI stated

So, BABS – tell me, JIMI (aka James Finlan, aka annoying little fucker)... tell me all about the duck and grapes joke…
Comment ID: 3192
At 12:46 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI channelled

er IVAN...can’t make out your Gravatar…. it’s a bit fuzzy but it looks to me like someone wanking. Of course I’m probably the only person to think this, in which case I’m in a lot of trouble. But, what the hey, no matter what I say I seem to piss someone off here so I’ve nothing to lose….
Comment ID: 3193
At 1:41 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Babs opined

Ok, ok. But remember, I didn’t say it was good, I just said I knew it.
Comment ID: 3194
At 1:45 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Babs professed

A duck walks into a bar and says, “Hey bartender, ya got any grapes?”

The bartender says, “No, I ain’t got no grapes, get outta here.” So the duck leaves.

He comes back the next day and says, “Hey bartender, ya got any grapes?” and the bartender says, “No, I ain’t got no friggin grapes, and if you ask me one more time if I have any grapes, I’m gonna nail your feet to the ground!” So the duck leaves.

He comes back the next day and says, “Hey bartender, ya got any nails?”

The bartender says, “No, I ain’t got no nails,”

The duck says, “Good. So, ya got any grapes?”
Comment ID: 3195
At 3:57 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Dean professed

That was funny. If not indeed very old and told a thousand times before.

But fart jokes! Now there’s something you don’t hear every day. Tell us a fart joke. Go on! Try it. Don’t be afraid. Hey, try farting while you’re at it if it helps you concentrate.
Comment ID: 3196
At 3:58 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Dean blurted

But be careful. Farts, if pushed, can quickly turn into monsters.
Comment ID: 3197
At 4:18 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI professed

A JOKE ABOUT PILES (OR HAEMORRHOIDS as you call them in America)

********************************************************

This guy’s got piles, so his friend tells him to go to the old woman down the road, who’s a bit of a charismatic healer.

So, he goes to her and she says “Oh yeah. It’s piles alright. Just shove damp tealeaves up your arse for a week and you’ll be fine”.

So, he does just that for a week to no avail. The piles are only getting worse. “Fuck that charismatic healer”, says he. I’m off to a real doctor.

So, he goes to the real doctor – an Indian doctor, loads of certificates on the wall. This guy knows his sfuff.

“Please bend over sir and let me have a look”, says Dr. Vikram Singh. And he shines a torch up the man’s behind and has a good long look for himself.

“What’s the verdict Doc?” asks our man.

“Well”, says Dr. Vikram. “I don’t know about the piles… but you’re going on a long journey…”

*********************************************************
Comment ID: 3198
At 6:29 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Dean wrote

:) Not Bad! Even if it is’nt a fart joke, it still contained essential references to fart regions! Impressive!
Comment ID: 3199
At 7:32 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI said

Why thank you sir. Finally, I’m beginning to fit in. I hope Father Daragh approves. You know how hard these priests are to please. I’m assuming he’s become a priest since he’s telling us all what to do and how to think, act and speak. I always said Daragh’d make a good priest and finally he’s followed his vocation. I wonder does he hear confessions online…...
Comment ID: 3200
At 7:58 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI decided it was worth pointing out

and BABS>> well the joke wasn’t as bad as you hyped it up to be. Nice damage limitation effort there…
Comment ID: 3201
At 9:28 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Dean wrote

Agroooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes indeed! More agro, less whiney girly film yack!!!! More fart jokes too!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3202
At 10:24 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Anthony announced

Jesus Christ, what is this, some kind of online community? For the record, I thought the JIMI stuff was funny, although probably because I knew who it was. Daragh, I am writing a script, so there. And Blargue or don’t Blargue, but do not diss the Blargument! Babs, I always told that joke in a much more elaborate way with a rabbit, mittens and a shopkeeper. Dean, farts are only funny in certain, very specific circumstances. My comments section is not one of them! Ivan, I like the Gravatar. From Hitchhiker’s? And JIMI, what is “tennis”? Did you make that up?

And finally, I’m sure that if he read the comments Felim would join me in telling you that his name is spelt “Felim”.
Comment ID: 3203
At 11:22 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Babs posted

It’s old?? I’d never heard the damned joke before a few months ago. Gah!!

Fine. What has eight legs and two….

Aw, hell. Not asking. Maybe.

Jimi, when one lives with a family such as mine, you learn the art of damage limitation/control VERY quickly.

No fart jokes, Anthony?? Who would’ve thought you were a prude!?!?

I, sir, am shocked.
Comment ID: 3204
At 11:27 am on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, daragh pounch posted

James – You’re as welcome as a FART in a space suit! That joke you stole from Mike Brennan in Galway – he tells it better too. James also failed to add he was know as ‘wee jimmy finlan’ in Galway from a certain admiring editor. “See this face, this is the face of control’, i’ll let you finish the rest.
Comment ID: 3205
At 2:25 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Nigel stated

Good idea Daragh. Diplomatic pressure will be applied and guilt caused in due course.

I went to a Christian Brothers school during which time I encountered plenty of 40 year old virgins. I’m sure most Irish men have espied the same sad pheomenon.

Oh wait, it’s a movie. Um, no then.
Comment ID: 3206
At 2:36 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI was compelled to share

Thanks Father Daragh. I pointed out to Fr. Daragh way back when he used to call me ‘wee jimmy’ that I didn’t like being called that. (Yes, us ‘vertically challenged’ folk have feelings too). I asked him why he continued to call me that in front of people even though he knew I didn’t like it.

Funny, he never gave me a good answer for that one. Still, the Lord works in mysterious ways, and as the expression goes “with enemies like that who needs friends?”.

I was sort of waiting to see how long it would take Fr. Daragh to dig the hilarious “wee jimmy” moniker out of the vaults. He held out longer than I thought, in fairness. Seems like I can’t win – I tell original jokes and I’m criticised. I tell one I heard before (I’m sure Fr. Daragh would never do that) and I’m criticised. Oh well.

And as regards the “face of control” joke, I’ll let you do the honours – you tell it so well Father. Oh by the way, it was Ron who started the whole “wee Jimmy” thing, not Tebo although he stopped when he realised I didn’t like it. But luckily good old Daragh stepped into the breach and kept it alive. For that I thank you sir.

Thanks for defending my humour Anthony. The cheque is in the post. Someday I’ll formulate my blargument response and post it publicly instead of in an email. And YES Anthony, I DO like Tennis and I’m not apologising for it. Also, have you seen the 40 year old virgin? It’s worth seeing. Not your average bad-taste movie. Two thumbs up from me (well one and half thumbs anyway).
Comment ID: 3207
At 2:42 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI declared

Oh, and yeah – this is a community (and a guerilla one at that – guerilla blogs are so yesterday). But feel free to join in. This is where all the real action. You should have labelled your last post “Vancouver BC” as there is a “Vancouver WA” as well…
Comment ID: 3208
At 2:51 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, D asserted

Since jokes appear to be the order of the day I offer the following.
In Ireland it would be told as a ‘Kerry Joke’.In deference to the site’s base in New York, I will tell it as a ‘Staten Island’ joke. Did you hear of the Staten Islander who wished to take up water skiing? He purchased a pair of skis and went in search of a sloping lake. No, that is not the joke; it’s just an example of what I mean by a Staten Island Joke. The joke now follows. A resident of Queen’s – which must be the most salubrious region of NY since it is home to this blog – found himself sitting opposite a Staten Islander on a train in Penn station bound for Boston. I am sure you have often clambered aboard a train found a seat and settled down. Relieved that you made it on time but with some anxiety that you had read the directions correctly and that this was, indeed, the correct train. Suddenly the train appears to move, you look at your watch -it is five minutes before the due departure time. It’s the wrong train! Then you notice that it was not your train that moved but the one immediately beside it. Relief commingles with the enjoyment of a good example of Einstein’s theory of relative motion. This happened to our two friends. The Queen’s man quickly grasped the reality; the Staten Islander went, as the argot would put it, ‘Ape’. It was a full ten minutes before he was calmed down. The Queen’s man, as is the wont of those based in that borough, sought to instruct and explain the phenomenon that had so disturbed his travelling companion. It was not easy, his pedagogical skills were stretched to their limit. Eventually, apparent success and just as the train was approaching Boston, he took out his pipe filled it and prepared to reward himself with a draught of nicotine. No matches!! He asked his companion who took a box of matches out of his pocket, held it close to his ear and moved his head backwards and forwards. Why are you doing that? I want to check if there are any matches in it.
Comment ID: 3209
At 2:56 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI was inspired to add

NIGEL >> check out the 40 Year Old Virgin when it gets to the UK (or is it there already?). I’d be interested to know what people think of it.

Initially I thought they’d stolen the title from my memoirs (volume 1 to be published on my 40th birthday) but I guess it was just a coincidence…

er, did I just say that? er, just kidding of course. Wee Jimmy a virgin? Now that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time…
Comment ID: 3210
At 3:45 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, JIMI professed

Dear Mr. ‘D’.

I enjoyed your joke but is there any chance you could dumb it down a bit? The joke police are in town and you don’t want to mess with them. Watch out in particular for the one they call ‘Padre’. He takes no prisoners. I hope you have your proof of ownership certificate for that joke, plus your proof of hilarity, level 2 certificate (anything above level 2 considered too highbrow for this site).

Still, I for one enjoyed it. Hats off, etc.

JIMI aka WEE JIMI (geddit?)
Comment ID: 3211
At 3:49 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY opined
- CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS ************
Er, ANTHONY.... we met on THE GENERAL, not THE TAILOR OF PANAMA. I turned down THE TAILOR OF PANAMA because I was in a sanatorium recovering from THE GENERAL.

Kindest Regards

Wee Jimmy, Esq.

P.S: You would have received this letter from Benjamin Goldstein but he’s been banned by the joke police.
- CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS ************
Comment ID: 3212
At 4:36 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Babs announced

Hey!! I worked for the Christian Brothers for 9 years!!

And strictly for the record, we Staten Islanders do NOT go ‘ape’ We go batshit or slightly berserk. And I’d like to think the ‘Staten Island’ role was more of a Brooklyn part.

Or better yet, someone from Jersey!!

(Jersey CAN be included in the Greater NYC area as long as one is mocking them)

Jimi—say hi to Benny for me. Did you ever pay him?? He was a bit whingy about that, y’know.
Comment ID: 3213
At 5:01 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY typed

BABS>> I’m not allowed to answer any questions about Benny (he says hello by the way and if you’re ever passing through Regina, do pop in and say hi).

Also, as I’m now the Autist Formerly Known as JIMI and currently known as WEE JIMMY, I’d appreciate if you’d call me by my proper moniker. I mean, you’d do it for Diddy, right? So why not for me?

Humour today is supplied to you courtesy of Fr. Daragh Pounch S.J who thoughtfully reminded me of how much fun we had with the “Wee Jimmy” joke. Of course, it’s funnier if you know me and even funnier if you can say it to my face (especially in the unlikely event that you catch me out on a date).

Maybe I should explain the joke, just in case you don’t get it. My name is James. Jimmy is a version of James. I’m short. With me so far? Good. Now “wee” is another word for “short”, it’s a word favoured by the Scots, I believe.

I hope I haven’t lost you yet. Okay, now… put the two words together and you get “Wee Jimmy”.

What I particularly like about it is it’s both funny and informative. What also makes it funnier is the fact I don’t like being called this, although these days I’m not as sensitive as I used to be so it’s losing a bit of its humourous appeal.

Still, it’s a good party piece: JIMI (aka James Finlan) arrives at a party (preferably with a date – it’s funnier that way). Go up to him and say “Well, look who it is. It’s Wee Jimmy!” Hilarity ensues.

You gotta admit, it’s clever…
Comment ID: 3214
At 5:07 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY blurted

BABS>> ask Fr. Daragh to tell you the one about the headboards. It’s a humourous anecdote about the placement of the beds in a house we used to share back in Ireland. It’s one of my favourites but Daragh tells it a lot better than me…...
Comment ID: 3215
At 6:31 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Ivan declared

Thanks Anthony, its not from hitchhikers, it is in fact my hand taking a photograph, i might send you the full version. So JIMI is almost right although the wanking is metaforical.
Comment ID: 3216
At 8:16 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY announced

IVAN >> I’d appreciate it if you referred to me as WEE JIMMY in future…

Thank you.

Wee Jimmy, Esq.
Comment ID: 3217
At 8:20 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY discoursed

ANTHONY & BABS >> looks like we’re heading towards that ‘magical’ number of comments again.

If we all pull together (yes Anthony, it’ll require you to post at the appropriate time and yes Babs you shall be required to restrain yourself) I believe we can achieve that magical number which will be a source of much amusement to all.

Let’s not blow it this time, eh? (Blame the pun).
Comment ID: 3218
At 9:22 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, James Finlan realised it was important that we all should understand

Hey Anthony. What the fuck is going on? I thought you were joking when you told me about this JIMI guy. Who’s that imitating me? Is that you Shanley? Or is that you Daragh pretending to be me?

Whoever it is, I’m not impressed or amused and I don’t appreciate the Wee Jimmy jokes.
Comment ID: 3219
At 9:32 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, Anthony started typing, with this result

Aha, another twist! Where will this saga take us next? Whoever that is, he sure seems bitter about the “wee” thing.
Comment ID: 3220
At 10:27 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, James Finlan channelled

Anthony. I’m not joking. It’s me here, the real James Finlan. Can you block that Wee Jimmy fucker because I am seriously not amused. Personally I think you should block Daragh too but I’m not surprised at him bringing up the whole “Wee Jimmy” thing but this fucker pretending to me – that’s just not on.
Comment ID: 3221
At 11:38 pm on Tuesday 13th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY realised it was important that we all should understand

Is that you Daragh, pretending to be me? What the fuck is going on?
Comment ID: 3222
At 12:16 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, James Finlan said

Hold on a sec. It’s you, isn’t it Anthony? Yes. Only you would have the resources and the knowledge to pull off such a scam.

It all makes sense now. When you visited me in Vancouver, I told you about the whole “Wee Jimmy” thing and how upset I was about it, even though I hadn’t been called “Wee Jimmy” for years…

...until now that is. And YOU’VE been running a guerilla blog on your OWN WEBSITE, as a buildup to this whole “Wee Jimmy” ruse. You’ve been plotting this with Daragh for months. You came to Vancouver just to do research. You got me drunk. I spilt my guts. And now… THIS.

Why, even the Blargument was part of the elaborate hoax. Yes, I see it all now. Felim’s in on it too. Well, I’m not amused.

And now you’ve got one hell of a Blargument on your hands and it’s running out of control. I know your style. You’d do anything for fame. You were hoping someone would write a newspaper blarticle about your pathetic blog. Or even perhaps a blacademic paper. Let me tell you mister – this is one blargument you won’t win…
Comment ID: 3223
At 12:19 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Recent Retiree was compelled to share

I can’t claim to know what any of it means, but I aspire to one day have 57 comments on just one post. Kudos!
Comment ID: 3224
At 12:25 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, James Finlan typed

Oh and Daragh/Anthony/Wee Jimmy, whoever the fuck you are. You’d better not mention the story about the beds in Knocknacarra or then I’ll really get mad.

I’m deadly serious about this.
Comment ID: 3225
At 12:40 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Babs asserted

Now that I did not expect….

Wee is another word for short?? Well THAT explains it!! Here I was thinking you were some sort of habitual bed-wetter lol

And this is better than All My Children, man. Im fetching me the popcorn…
Comment ID: 3226
At 12:52 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, James Finlan blurted

Who told you about the bed-wetting?
Comment ID: 3227
At 1:53 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Babs posted

I have my sources.

Just be grateful I didn’t bring up that unfortunate incident from your time at the petting zoo.
Comment ID: 3228
At 3:50 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Dean decided it was worth pointing out

For fuck’s sakes!!!!!! Gone for an evening and Jimi crosses the line again. Or is it Wee Jimi? Anyway, Anthony, force people to keep it to 5 lines max.!!! It’s getting boring! And there’s nothing wrong with fart jokes! It’s either that or Tampon jokes so you decide! Crap I’m at 5 lines!
Comment ID: 3229
At 3:53 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Dean was inspired to add

Hey, it was only 2! So I’ll continue… Anthony, nobody has asked about your final sentence in this weeks post “Get well soon, Eleanor! And you should really try and avoid that sort of thing in the future. It leaves a bad impression.”

Hmmm, what was she up to eh? Eh? Eh? Has Eleanor’s drug habit finally taken it’s toll!?
Comment ID: 3230
At 7:45 am on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Ivan blurted

Rated G, for general? suitable for children? what are they thinking?

Yes, get well soon Eleanor. Whatever the ailment.
Comment ID: 3231
At 12:44 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, BORING OLD FART asserted

Yes, well DEAN – I happen to find it all quite interesting. My suggestion to you is if you don’t like it then don’t read it. I’m sure there must be plenty of ‘fart blogs’ or ‘blarts’ or whatever they call them out there for you.
Comment ID: 3232
At 12:48 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY wrote

Get well soon Eleanor.

WEE JIMMY
Comment ID: 3233
At 1:39 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Babs opined

And whats this ‘bed’ anecdote I hear the lot whinging about? Go on then. And make it snappy!! Jakers is on PBS soon!!
Comment ID: 3234
At 2:29 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, D imparted

Wee Jimmy or JIMI cannot be James Finlan. The latter tells us he is of napoleonic stature while nobody under 6’6’‘ is ever given the sobriquet “wee”
Comment ID: 3235
At 2:30 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Dean typed

But I’m afraid I HAVE to read it! Or else I’v no way of knowing what’s going on in Anthony’s life!

Anyway, without wanting to sound rude… fuck off!

And get well soon Eleanor.
Comment ID: 3236
At 2:33 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY proclaimed

D>> Tell me more. I can’t follow your reasoning, but I’m nonentheless intrigued. Easy on the big words though. You wouldn’t want to alienate our “adult illiteracy class” readers now, would you?
Comment ID: 3237
At 2:34 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY typed

Er, DEAN...okay. Thanks for that observation. I’ll take it on board.
Comment ID: 3238
At 3:02 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, James Finlan discoursed

BABS>> enough about the bed story already. There is no such story. It doesn’t exist. Now can we just leave it at that?
Comment ID: 3239
At 3:56 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Babs posted

I have a cousin whos 6’4 and they call him Tiny, y’know.

Ok, James. But that means I’m going to tell them about you and the cross-eyed sheep.
Comment ID: 3240
At 4:14 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY posted

Babs >> it’s not as good as the bed story. Fr. Daragh tells it so well…

Oh, and Anthony, can you get rid of that impostor? I’m the real James Finlan (although I prefer to be known as WEE JIMMY) and I hoped it wouldn’t come to this but I’m going to have to use the secret password:

JAMES BROKEDANCE

There. I’ve said it. We’ll have to come up with a new one now. Now, if you don’t mind, could you get rid of that impostor?
Comment ID: 3241
At 4:46 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, James Finlan testified

JAMES BROKEDANCE? What the fuck are you on about you wee eejit. Finally, proof that Wee Jimmy has lost it. Now, Anthony – if you’d please do the honours…
Comment ID: 3242
At 10:15 pm on Wednesday 14th of September 2005, Anthony was inspired to add

Children, please. Am I going to have to start withholding affection?

And sorry, James Finlan, whoever you are, but WEE JIMMY has conclusively proved that he is the real James Finlan (was it a good party? Well, James brokedance!) But is he the real WEE JIMMY?
Comment ID: 3244
At 3:07 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Babs said

You people DO realize I’m blonde, right??

This is more confusing than General Hospital.

Nevertheless, carry on!!
Comment ID: 3245
At 3:10 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Babs professed

Gah!! My comment got kidnapped!!

Who did it?

Come on, fess up!!
Comment ID: 3246
At 3:18 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Babs typed

Wait a sec….

It wasn’t there, and then it is??

I need a drink.
Comment ID: 3247
At 3:24 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY imparted

Yes! Vindicated at last! And you know I’m the real WEE JIMMY. I mean you’ve seen me, I’m wee (although – not where it counts, okay ladies? not like Tom Cruise, eh Anthony?)

But enough of that. I trust that the impostor has been dealt with.

81 comments. Is this the highest you’ve gone yet? Just saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It had its moments. Tom Wilkinson’s character wasn’t very interesting. It wasn’t his fault though. It’s just these characters with unshakeable faith are a bit dull. Of course Laura Linney was the protagonist – definitely a more interesting character. It’s more of a courtroom drama than a horror but it didn’t really deliver on either front.

Oh, and Anthony – I approve of the new link to my name. Much better than that last one. Pity about the pics of me. Pity I’m so, well… er… wee, I suppose. Oh well, c’est la vie.

P.S: So much for your blargument. I think the real blarguments are happening here. How’s the blovel coming along bly the way?
Comment ID: 3248
At 4:00 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY attested

oh, it’s 83 comments now…
Comment ID: 3249
At 5:47 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Dean said

84… been there, done that to death!
Comment ID: 3250
At 5:50 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Dean said

Babs, don’t be afraid to tell jokes. Mine are all crap and I still go on. And Wee Jime goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on! Not bad for a guy with a small pecker!

And what’s wrong with being blonde?
Comment ID: 3251
At 5:53 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Dean declared

And it this is really like a Community, is it like the one in “Lost”? Did you see Lost in Americae? Tiz prob over by now. actually Jimi, why don’t you Get Lost! chortle chortle guffaw guffaw! (sorry Jimi, I’v such a mean streak inside really. It’s raging, honestly raging!) Actually, who’d win in a fight – Daragh or Wee man!
Comment ID: 3252
At 6:03 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Dean typed

And by the way, film geeks! – I’m not endorsing the tv sensation “Lost”, cuz it’s cack! Hmm, although Antoinne prob like it cuz he liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer too. Rivetting shtuff!
Comment ID: 3253
At 6:35 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY posted

88
Comment ID: 3254
At 8:27 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Babs professed

I didn’t say there was anything WRONG with being blonde. It’s just that it renders myself far less intelligent than if I’d been born, say, a brunette. I think.

And Jimmy, you’re wrong!! It’s obviously 89 comments. Tsk.
Comment ID: 3255
At 9:05 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Dean attested

Poor Baba!
Comment ID: 3256
At 11:34 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, eleanor realised it was important that we all should understand

Anthony, I will have to disown you as a brother if you allow anyone to disparage Buffy on your blog. Especially when I am in such a fragile state.

Thanks for all the well wishes from all you well wishers, I am getting better but I am still off work. I will let my ailment remain a mystery, in case anyone should think less of me…
Comment ID: 3257
At 11:38 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Anthony started typing, with this result

Yes indeed. Dean, you lost a lot of points with that “Buffy” crack.

A lot of points.

And “Lost” is great too. No arguments.
Comment ID: 3259
At 11:49 am on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Dean proclaimed

Sorry Eleanor! I did’nt mean to offend you (Only Anthony!) In that case, Buffy Rocks!!!!!

As for your mystery illness I for one choose to firmly believe it’s achoholism or solvent abuse. I just hope your poor parents don’t read this blog.
Comment ID: 3260
At 2:28 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY wanted everyone to know

Eleanor – sorry about selling you the dodgy crack. I appreciate you keeping it a mystery.

GET WELL SOON
Comment ID: 3261
At 2:30 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY testified

ANTHONY>> 95 and counting…in cricketing terms (pardon the sporting reference) we’re heading towards a century…

Is history being made? Are you excited?
Comment ID: 3262
At 2:54 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Helen proclaimed

My turn now – we never took up Anthony’s invitation to describe our trip to New York in June, and I can’t think of a better time to do it. We loved the apartment in Red Square (unfortunately managed to break a vase – large number of fragile ornaments obviously accounted for horrendous security deposit). We got to the top of the Empire State Building, where an unexpected photo left us looking like the couple in ‘American Gothic’; had lunch in Trump Towers and marvelled at the exquisite taste on display; visited Coney Island, the ballet, ‘The Producers’, ‘Batman Begins’, MOMA and the Metropolitan Museum, but mainly did a LOT of shopping. It was more relaxed this second visit – no need to rush around viewing sights, we just walked around a lot, getting to know the city a little more. We have fond memories of all Anthony’s friends (hi there) and of all the pubs where the barmen knew him by name, as well as various exotic dinners. We also had a couple of days in Boston, which we liked a lot.
Sorry this has taken so long, son! Helen (mother)
Comment ID: 3263
At 3:05 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Anthony attested

Ooh, nearly one hundred comments. I’ve never felt more alive.
/End sarcasm

Thanks, Mum. That’s a photograph I’d like to see.
Comment ID: 3264
At 3:26 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Old McDonald channelled

Gotta say wee jimmy – you’re getting funnier!
Comment ID: 3265
At 3:43 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Old McDonald attested

What an editor said to wee jimmy finlan after comming in to work late- having been on the piss the night before on the actual WRAP party – so the film should’ve been locked down by now…......wee jimmy walks in the editor spins around in his chair- the same chair they used in Charlies Angels – the original – tv version of course….eyes glazing petting his cat like in some james bond film ‘See this face, this is the face of control….If I could show you my true emotions…... you’d be nothing but a mere cinder block in front of me….ther’d be fire emiting from my eyes, from my mouth….I’ll be barfing in your shaddow, wretching in your grave…. by the time i’m finished with you, i’ll be kicking your dead body over the finish line’ we didn’t know whether to laugh or cry…..........
Stay tunned for that BEDTIME story – i can see you frothing at the mouth now babs….and wee jimmy —-glad you’re over the wee bit—i wouldn’t have done it otherwise….where’s this bloody script already?
Gotta hand it to you wee jimmy… far dooos to you- you are funny….............if they could only see you….........
Comment ID: 3266
At 3:44 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Old McDonald was compelled to share

100

yes beat yaz
Comment ID: 3267
At 4:11 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Babs opined

Ooog!! My dentist is near-ish to Trump Towers. Did you ever get to Staten Island at all??

Mr. McDonald, I do not froth at the mouth. It isn’t f***ing ladylike, y’know.

How’s the farm??
Comment ID: 3268
At 8:58 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY asserted

Who’s this OLD MAC DONALD chap? Well I know it’s not Fr. Daragh because we all know how much he disapproves of the subversive act of name-changing. If you do see Fr. Daragh, tell him we can’t wait for the bed story. It’s EVEN FUNNIER than the WEE JIMMY story if that’s possible.

I wouldn’t say I’m over the ‘wee’ thing so much as I now have a perspective on it. I realise that some people felt (or feel) the need to put people down because of their own insecurities (or because they had nothing original to offer the world). It’s not a specifically Irish trait but we’re damned good at it, aren’t we? I understand now of course that Fr. Daragh brought it up only because of how hilariously funny it is, and for no other reason. And speaking of which, let’s hear that FAMOUS bed anecdote. It’s a good ‘un. I really can’t think of ANY reason why ANYONE would NOT find it funny, can you?

I’m glad you think I’m getting funnier OLD MAC DONALD. It’s important to me…
Comment ID: 3269
At 9:32 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Anthony opined

Woah, bitterness alert!
Comment ID: 3270
At 9:51 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY was inspired to add

Anthony old chap. Very kind of you to pop in. What brings you here?
Comment ID: 3271
At 9:56 pm on Thursday 15th of September 2005, Anthony attested

Oh, just thought I’d pop by the old homestead, see how she’s doing. Sure has changed some around these parts. Why, I remember when… But you don’t want to be listening to an old fogey like me rambling on.
Comment ID: 3272
At 1:48 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Babs was inspired to add

Ok. Y’all are killing me now. Someone tell me about the damned bed story. Email it if you must. I don’t care, I’M DYING HERE!!

And really, can it be any worse than a ‘spaz in bed’ story?? I think not.

Anthony, aren’t you more of a young fogey??
Comment ID: 3273
At 2:31 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY posted

BABS>> I’m sure Fr. Daragh would love to tell you but he seems to have disappeared. I sure hope he’s okay. However, his good friend OLD MAC DONALD might know the story. I just don’t tell it as well as Daragh. I’m sure someone could arrange to email it to you, but like the hilarious WEE JIMMY story, it’s a lot funnier when told in public…
Comment ID: 3274
At 2:34 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY was inspired to add

You’re right there Anthony. Looks like the blog takeover is alive and well but it’s less of a corporate giant now – more like a PBS effort. Worthy yet boring. Actually, not sure about the worthy bit…
Comment ID: 3275
At 4:07 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Dean blurted

• Eleanor, I’m terribly sorry. What was I thinking – Lost is a Classic!
• Mrs. Litton. None of that stuff about Eleanour’s crack habit is true.. only the glue sniffing and alchoholism!
• Anthony, can you make a new competition (seeing as how you’re getting so popular now and tonnes are commenting and what not): the last person to post on your blog before the next edition, gets a signed photo of Wee Jimi!!!
Great concept, run with it, work it baby etc etc.
Comment ID: 3276
At 4:37 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Fulmer Weisinger typed

Hi manny, can you digitize some stuff for me?
Comment ID: 3277
At 4:38 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Piss Flaps professed

JUST DO IT !
Comment ID: 3278
At 5:12 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Daragh posted

Reading your comments on ‘Sideways’- Anthony – You just didn’t get it – let it wash over you take it in, and enjoy it for what it is – Unfortunately I think amerika has got you into- if its not blown up in 20 secs whats the point type of film – whilst munching pop corn and stuffing your face with corn dogs and root beer – the land of the free – BIIL HICKS – says it best – America – you’re free…. to do as we tell you… watching american gladiators and other mind numbing shows – each preaching – brain washing the nation…...... and heres tom with the weather.
Comment ID: 3279
At 6:10 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, little hands announced

tell me why i don’t f88k you up
Comment ID: 3280
At 6:31 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, welshy channelled

walk away
Comment ID: 3281
At 6:33 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, wonderwoman blurted

missing you’re wee jimmy
Comment ID: 3282
At 7:47 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Dean declared

What the fuck is happening!!!! Run Anthony, run!!! Run for your life and don’t look back!!!
Comment ID: 3283
At 7:59 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, D. said

While we are all waiting for the ‘bed story’ perhaps another joke would help. It’s an elephant joke. Many years ago there was a rash of these- was it before or after the epidemic of ‘knock, knock’ jokes, I cannot remember. Anyhow they are due for a revival. How many elephants can you fit in a Mini? The Mini was a small car manufactured by the British Motor Company (BMC)starting in mid or late 1960’s.As its name indicates, it was a small car. BMW now produce a posh version, slightly larger than the original, and certainly, better appointed. Where was I? Ah, the joke: three in the front and three in back. A good example of the species but not you will agree a good joke. Here is a better one: How do you make an elephant fly? Well first of all you have to get a very large zip.
Comment ID: 3284
At 8:02 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Dean channelled

In the absence of fart jokes I have to rely on a back-catalogue of Auld Dub jokes.
How can you tell Batman is a Northsider? Cuz he can’t go into town without Robbin!!!
Comment ID: 3285
At 8:13 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Babs said

Meanwhile, back at the ranch….
Comment ID: 3286
At 8:29 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Dean asserted

so Babs, you’re holding out for that ‘final comment slot’ too. With a signed photo of Wee Jimi up for grabs it’s no wonder!
Comment ID: 3287
At 8:35 am on Friday 16th of September 2005, Dean stated

121…..

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? Cuz it said ‘concentrate’ on the side!!!!
Comment ID: 3288
At 1:10 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY posted

Fr. Daragh – er…thought you didn’t agree with inventing multiple characters? Or is it only funny when you do it? (Sorry, I misplaced my rule book today so I’m a bit lost).

And maybe Anthony didn’t miss any point with Sideways. Maybe he’s just different to you – is that possible? I mean I loved Sideways. I don’t share Anthony’s reservations. But I accept that other people might have a different view of it, what with them not being me and all that.

Ah, who am I kidding? You’re WRONG Anthony! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

D>> I have some gorilla jokes but they’re filthy…
Comment ID: 3289
At 1:25 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Babs opined

I’m not holding out for the final comment spot. I just feel it my duty as a long time reader to contribute to the mayhem. It’s the only thing I’m good at, really.

Now y’all must pardon me for now, there’s some orange juice in the fridge…
Comment ID: 3290
At 2:46 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, D posted

Now that the comments are inexorably heading for book lenght and an exemplary post modernist text is in sight, we must consider the issue of copyright. While the blog maybe Anthony’s, all I am sure would agree that its literary merit lies almost entirely in the comments. I am prepared to shoulder the burden and take up the copyright. You can rest assured that the royalties will be distributed in a fair, equitable and honourable manner according to merit.
One other point: the time has come for us to eschew all jokes that appeal to sterotypes whether they be based on where people live – Staten Island, North Dublin city – or the colour of their hair.
I have it on the best authority that the fact that the young women thought manual labour was a Spaniard had nothing whatsoever to do that she was a dumb blonde from…
Comment ID: 3291
At 3:50 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, solphadene jimmy proclaimed

Ho ho ya Flute ya!
Comment ID: 3292
At 4:03 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Anthony attested

I think that my best hope now is to start afresh with a new blog on some distant, Elysian URL, and not tell anybody. I’m not sure my absence would be noticed.
Comment ID: 3293
At 5:15 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY professed

D>> I feel that I am the person best qualified to receive the royalties from this fine literary effort. Was it not I who first postulated the idea of a takeover or ‘guerilla’ blog?

That said, I feel that the noble Fr. Daragh and Dean should also share some of the acclaim, as if it were not for the many intelligent blarguments they’ve engaged in (primarily with me), this blog might have died a long time ago.

Then of course there’s the humour – and I think it’s widely agreed that Fr. Daragh is to thank for this. Funny how that “face of control” story gets funnier with every retelling. Or how the repeated exclamation: “ho ho ya flute ya!” never ceases to tickle my funny bone – it’s almost as funny as the “Wee Jimmy” joke and the infamous “bed anecdote”.

D>> I would appreciate your comments on this.

Anthony>> oh, hi there…
Comment ID: 3294
At 6:23 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Ivan wrote

Jesus christ, i dont know whether to be proud or scared to be a part of this. Actually, definitely not proud, something close to feeling like a featured extra in an 80’s soap opera, poor, recognisable and needing an STD test.
Comment ID: 3295
At 6:29 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Ivan stated

Time for a new post man, The comments on this one deserve to be a topic for a post themselves.
Comment ID: 3296
At 6:34 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, WEE JIMMY posted

Ivan’s right Anthony. Please help us out of this sick and twisted loop we’re caught up in. The blog is sick and only you can fix it. Cure the blog Anthony. Post soon…(gasping for air) before… it’s… too… late…...
Comment ID: 3297
At 8:22 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Births, Deaths & Marriages was compelled to share

Pray for the repose of the soul of WEE JIMMY. Died, Cyberspace, Friday 16th September, 2005 (sudden) at approximately 6:34 pm EST.

Funeral Virtual Mass to be e-celebrated by Fr. Daragh Pounch S.J.

No cyber-flowers please.
Comment ID: 3298
At 8:31 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, GROOVY CHEWSDAY proclaimed

PARTY PIECE : WATCH JIMMY BREAKDANCE

AMERICAVILLE

ANTHONY LITTON = PAUL GIAMMATTI

IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE WHAT MY EYES HAVE SEEN

YOU GOT ME BUT WHO’S GOT YOU

SOME DAY A RAINS GONNA WASH ALL THE SCUM FROM THE STREETS

THERE IS ANOTHER

YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND

I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEOPLE WILL COME RAY

THERE’S NOTHING MISERIBLE THAN........

WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE THE ANGLES NO MORE YOU’RE IN TROUBLE BABY, YOU’RE IN TROUBLE

EVERYTIME A BELL RINGS AN ANGEL GETS ITS WINGS

well she’s walkin through the clouds, a circus mind that’s runnin wild
butterflies and zebras is all she ever thinks about, ridin with the wind
and when i’m sad, when i’m sad she comes to me and a thousand smiles she gives me free
she says its alright, its alright
take anything you want from me
anything
yea yea yea
ride on
little wing

.....AND DANCE BY THE LIGHT OF THE MOON
Comment ID: 3299
At 8:36 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Roger Ebert imparted

and DARAGH POUNCH = THOMAS HADEN CHURCH
Comment ID: 3300
At 9:36 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, GROOVY CHEWSDAY realised it was important that we all should understand

Hiya Anthony – i’ll buy that
never was one to act though….......
Comment ID: 3301
At 10:32 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Anthony testified

er…sure thing Daragh
Comment ID: 3302
At 10:50 pm on Friday 16th of September 2005, Anthony realised it was important that we all should understand

Ok, no. That I will not abide – impersonating me = strictly forbidden. Do that again and I’ll… Well, I’ll edit it. James.
Comment ID: 3303
At 12:05 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, JIMI realised it was important that we all should understand

er…I’ve no idea what you’re talking about Anthony…
Post quick before someone else dies…
Comment ID: 3304
At 12:09 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, JIMI imparted

er…I’ve no idea what you’re talking about Anthony…I mean it’s got your gravatar and all – do you really think the underground resistance movement is that sophisticated that it could steal people’s gravatars? Wow. You overestimate us.

Post quick before someone else dies…
Comment ID: 3305
At 4:40 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Babs realised it was important that we all should understand

You know, the beauty in all of this is that I look SANE now compared to the rest of y’all.
Comment ID: 3306
At 7:12 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Padre decided it was worth pointing out

Don’t kid yourself
Nobody but nobody can have the same destructive feel and emotion of words and text molested by subtext than the one who calls himself WEE JIMMY FINLAN.
He’s a writer you know, can’t you tell, a literary genius. He’s even been on the telly and ONE awards too, he’s a special little person is our Jimmy.

Bless me father for I have sinned
I took liberities in trying to be funny

Please Sir can I have some more?
I really want to hear that bed hopping story, i know there’s a broken bed in there somewhere.
Comment ID: 3307
At 7:16 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Bono announced

Keep it real

Sometimes God thinks he’s Bono
Comment ID: 3308
At 7:19 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Lola said

Run Anthony Run, Run for your life and don’t look back
Comment ID: 3309
At 7:34 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Old Mac Donald felt the urge to write

e i e i ooooooo ‘What do you call a fly with no wings?’

.............. a WALK!

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

2…one to screw it in in and fit it, the other to suck my dick!

Whats the similarites between a bird and a chicken box/snack box? once you’re done with the breast and the leg all you got left is an auld greasy box to throw your bone into!
Comment ID: 3310
At 7:37 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Wonder Burger stated

The same as a Big Mac but nicer
Comment ID: 3311
At 8:03 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Father Daragh typed

Anthony, James is right your memory is definitely faded or in this case non- existant
You make it sound all fluffy and romantic …‘we had friends in common’ – u fooking did not, u didn’t yer hole – james was my friend! u stole him away, you’d be nothing without me – i introduced you to a whole new world- ‘ i met him on the taylor of panama’ – ha that says it all- he didn’t even work on that film.
Do as i say, and remember the force will be with you ….always….like a large ball and chain around your fookin neck – you are free… to do as i tell you, land of the free
I want a treatment of the script by mon!
Comment ID: 3312
At 8:05 am on Saturday 17th of September 2005, Father Daragh proclaimed

Bless me child

where are the photos of Canada?

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Sunday 11th of September 2005

Vancouver

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Sunday 05th of June 2005, 12:08 pm