Gone to America

Saturday 17th 2005f September 2005

Cast

Blog

, posted by Anthony around mid-morning.

As you may have noticed, the comments have gotten out of control lately. I wasn’t planning to address this directly, hoping that it would slowly die away, but my last post had 146 comments the last time I looked, and they mostly ain’t about Vancouver. It’s gathering force!

Normally I’d be delighted to have elicited such an overwhelming response, but it’s not about me and that PISSES ME OFF! Look at the URL, people! AnthonyLitton.com! Take the hint!

Anyway, while most of these people are known to me they may not be known to my readers, so I’ve decided to present a brief list for reference purposes. Most of the posters are, or are aliases (alii?) for, people in Ireland known to me personally, although not necessarily to each other. I will attempt to cast some light on the fluctuating web of relationships and misunderstandings that provides the riveting subtext to this series of bizarre exchanges.

And so, in no particular order, the cast:

James Finlan – AKA JIMI, GONE TO CANADA Inc, Krystof Kracowski, WEE JIMMY, BORING OLD FART, Benjamin Goldstein, Elijah Herzog, Isaac Levy, Anthony (but only once)

James is a friend from the heady days of post production in Ireland in the late 1990s. It was on The General that I met him, not The Tailor of Panama as I inaccurately claimed in the last post. He is known to Daragh Pounch from their days working for Roger Corman in Connemara. Indeed, they shared a house. He lives in Vancouver currently, and it was with him I stayed for Labor day weekend. James inadvertently spawned this recent comment haemorrhage by staging a hostile takeover of this blog via the comments section under the pseudonym JIMI as a reaction to my lack of posting. I knew who was responsible because I see everybody’s email adresses and IPs (I AM THE BLOGMASTER!) and James had posted under the name JIMI before. I found the conceit amusing rather than threatening.

Daragh Pounch – AKA GROOVY CHEWSDAY, Roger Ebert, solphadene jimmy, wonderwoman, welshy, little hands, Piss Flaps, Fulmer Weisinger, Old McDonald, Padre, Bono, Lola, Wonder Burger, Father Daragh

Daragh is a friend from film school – the DLIADT, or the DLCAD as it was known when we were there. He was in his 3rd and final year while I was a fresh faced first year. I ended up editing his graduate film, the award winning short documentary “Pothole Terror”. While I continued at Dun Laoghaire Daragh went to work at Concorde Anois Teo – Roger Corman’s Connemara studio – where he met and lived with James.
Did Daragh know that James was JIMI? This was a question that excercised us both while I was in Vancouver. I tend to believe not. Either way, he acted as if the blog takeover was a real threat, storming to my aid like a berserk Gaul. Daragh’s loyalty is admirable, but he does occasionally demonstrate a tin ear for people’s sensitivities – not everybody takes abuse as an expression of friendship. Cavalier disregard for the rules of written English. I fear he may have gone completely insane.

Dean Clarke

Dean is my oldest friend represented here. I met him studying clay animation in Ballyfermot Senior College when I was just out of school. He doesn’t know James or Ivan, but he does know Daragh, whose part he took. I don’t know where all the fart jokes came from. Dean? He has a German girlfriend and is learning the language, hence the occasional burst. Strong streak of anti-intellectualism apparent! Dean! Explain yourself! It’s because you’re working in advertising, isn’t it.

Ivan McCullough

A DLCAD contemporary, in my own year. Knows Daragh, would have met Dean and maybe even James at some point. Ivan was absent from this blog for a long time, offended by my spam blocker and distracted by his French girlfriend. I’m glad he’s back, but sorry he leapt into it at this strange point.

Nigel Bunyan

Another DLCAD contemporary. Used, along with Babs, to be the main commenter on this blog. Surprisingly unrepresented in these exchanges. Can be a grammar Nazi, of which I approve.

A greying Irish intellectual with a penchant for complex sentence structure unfortunately undercut by frequent typoes. Possibility that “D” stands for “Dude”.

Helen Litton

My mother. Uber grammar Nazi, but she keeps it to herself.

Eleanor Rickard

My sister. Hauled into this by my acknowledgement of her recent mystery ailment. Has had her good name dragged through the mud as a result. The mud!

Rebecca Finkel – AKA recent retiree

Worked with my New York friend Julian at the Museum of Jewish Heritage. Has her own blog.

Babs – AKA Sandra Day O’Connor

Babs – real name unknown. A Staten Island native and fellow blogger, known only through the internet. Apparently she’ll join in with anything. This I applaud.

Ok, so have at it. Argue away. Posture, defend, correct, riposte, abuse – at least it will be on topic this time.

And I didn’t take any photographs of Vancouver.

Comments on "Cast"

Comment ID: 3314
At 11:43 am on Saturday 17th 2005f September 2005, Babs announced

Brilliant post, Anthony!!

I must admit, the aliases were confusing the life out of me, but as you said yourself, I’ll jump in regardless.

I would also like to say to the rest of the lot, in a rather mature manner, I got in with the first comment, ha!!

Well SOMEONE has to get it all started.
Comment ID: 3315
At 3:28 pm on Saturday 17th 2005f September 2005, JIMI felt the urge to write

Thanks for saving the blog – pity you had to out us all. Oh well, it’s all for the best. So, we have to talk about Anthony, eh?

Hmmmmmmm…..

Can I get back to you on that one?
Comment ID: 3317
At 4:54 pm on Saturday 17th 2005f September 2005, JIMI announced

er…I was actually Roger Ebert. I mean it’s no big deal but I just thought I’d nip that in the bud…
Comment ID: 3318
At 4:59 pm on Saturday 17th 2005f September 2005, JIMI asserted

and did you HAVE to mention the fact myself and Fr. Daragh lived together in the past? I mean that was the nineties man. We all did a lot of crazy things back then, but I would have preferred if you just left that in the vault.
Comment ID: 3319
At 8:42 pm on Saturday 17th 2005f September 2005, Babs posted

You know, in all honesty, I thought everyone would know I was Sandra Day O’Connor, seeing as I didn’t bother to take out my link or my gravatar thingie.

Also, I tend to be an grammar nazi, two. I’m just not very goodly at it. I’m getting betterer, though.

Jimi-I demand to hear the famed story now!!
Comment ID: 3320
At 8:53 pm on Saturday 17th 2005f September 2005, JIMI said

BABS>> WEE JIMMY would have told you the story but alas he perished. It was a ghastly death.

JIMI feels it’s time the comments section was cleaned up and he refuses henceforth to become embroiled in any blargument or blontroversy.

Oh and Anthony – speaking of grammar Nazis: you misused the word “it’s” in a recent post (there should have been no apostrophe). Otherwise, keep up the good work and keep the blog healthy by regular posting.
Comment ID: 3321
At 5:14 am on Sunday 18th 2005f September 2005, Babs typed

Would bribery help at all?? I’ve got a $3.87 that’s doing nothing. NOTHING!!
Comment ID: 3322
At 2:58 pm on Sunday 18th 2005f September 2005, daragh started typing, with this result

Thanks James, I was not Roger Ebert if that makes any difference. O.K Anthony it is about you – (it’s always me, me,me) sounds like an eposode from the BRADY BUNCH – it’s always Marsha,Marsha – or a song.. it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to…...u would crt too if it happened to you. But hey you sold us out but our lifes stories up there for everybody to see – not sure if i wanted this- should’ve asked first- dunno how the others feel – but maybe we don’t want eveyone to know bout us – its not that bad its done now but ask next time @ d is your dad as everyone knows!
Comment ID: 3323
At 3:47 pm on Sunday 18th 2005f September 2005, daragh wrote

don’t mean to sound wingey – but this is where im comming from – Anthony it is your blog – but at the same time there are more pictures of me on your blog than you- so you yourself like a bit of privacy – there are also pictures of me with an ex. on your blog – fine for the time- but … you know what i mean-(not good to have them still there) like the above comment i would have liked to be given a choice- those pictures of me were plastered everywhere – and still are! – without asking – we don’t see any photos of any of your ex’s on the blog nor are we alowed to even talk about them! so fair is fair the dirty washing is on the line for all to see – fair enough its done now – but can you see where i’m coming from?
Comment ID: 3326
At 10:29 pm on Sunday 18th 2005f September 2005, Anthony decided it was worth pointing out

I wouldn’t say it’s exactly your whole life story. If you want me to take the photographs down I’ll take them down, but you have to ask. I can’t read your mind, and you didn’t have any complaints at the time or I would have taken them down then.

There are more pictures of everybody on the blog than me, for the simple reason that I’m ususally the one holding the camera.
Comment ID: 3327
At 2:59 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, JIMI channelled

There wasn’t exactly anything personal about you, Daragh in Anthony’s brief biog.
Comment ID: 3328
At 3:54 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Dean wrote

Gentlemen please. Oh, and gorgeous Babs too. (Especially now since you said you’ll join in on anything… I’ll give you my personal email later!)

For I am Anthony’s “Oldest friend”. A tear doth fall from my eye.
Comment ID: 3329
At 4:01 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Dean asserted

Anthony, I will now desist from “Fart Jokes”. What was I thinking? I can only say I was perhaps showing my non-intelllee, ...intle-exceel, ...intel-prosesccor pentium, ...intle-ectism, ....intelli-sexual,... intel-excual (Fuck it!!! Fuck it!!!), non-Brainey side! There!

From now on I have chosen to be myself!!! Oooh-arrrr Me ‘arties!!!!? Trim the mainsail and let slip the dogs o’ warrrrrrrr!!!!! Forward on the star’bough!!!! (As a seventeenth century fellow I make no excuses for grammar, you New world Heathen scum!!!!) Have-at ya scoundrels!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3330
At 4:02 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Dean decided it was worth pointing out

Eleanor, fear not those cold walls o’ prison!!! Three years is not long, but stay away from Big Bertha!!!! Hoist the Jolly Roger!!
Comment ID: 3331
At 4:27 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Thinkin of a name... started typing, with this result

... three dead men on a dead man’s ship,Yo-ho an’ a bottle of rum!!!!!
Comment ID: 3332
At 4:29 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Still thinkin... wanted everyone to know

PS. Daragh won the “Last Post” prize. Sorry Babs. Although, he probably already has a signed photo of Jimi now that we know about their past bed-sharing days so maybe you can ask Daragh to forego his winnings!

Oooooohh-arrrrggrrrryyaaaa!!!!!
Comment ID: 3333
At 4:30 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Still thinkin... decided it was worth pointing out

And Anthony, what can I say? I love you like a brother…..
Comment ID: 3334
At 5:24 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Still wondering realised it was important that we all should understand

Come on yee yellowbellied land-lubbers!!!!!!
How do you keep a pirate from robbing your house?
Fill your lawn with beavers!

Haa-harrrr!!!!!!! Oooohhhh-aaaarrrrrr!!!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3335
At 5:29 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish said

Avast ye scurvy dags!!!! I must be away!!!!!!

Aaaaarrrrrr!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3336
At 6:05 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, daragh said

As you can see folks Anthony has now censored me, he respects his privacy but obviously not mine- i did say it to you at the time bout the photos but you put them out there already- it’s the principle ‘ask’ give me a ‘choice’ thats all- james i’d answer your comment but can’t – watch this i’ll get censored again- Anthony none of your ex’s are on the blog least of all we can’t talk about them or mention them by name- do i have to spell it out again?
Comment ID: 3337
At 6:20 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish was inspired to add

Aaaarrrrhh!!! Dar’s as bitter as sea water!!!! Where are the pho’owes anyway?? That damned fairground vid keeps appearing over the menu, so I can’t access them!! Fix that Anthony!!!!! Fix that or be warned!!!???

Oooaaaahhhhrrrrrrrrr!!!
Comment ID: 3339
At 6:58 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, eleanor wrote

Do you know how difficult it is to wash mud out of your hair?
Comment ID: 3340
At 8:24 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Anthony decided it was worth pointing out

Daragh, I didn’t censor you. You had a space before an exclamation mark so the Textile filter I have running thought you were putting in an image until the next hyphen. You were hung up by your shoddy punctuation. I deleted the extra space for you so it’s ok now. You can read about Textile here: http://textism.com/tools/textile/

Not to say I wouldn’t censor you, I just didn’t this time. If you had checked your comment immediately after posting you would have seen I wouldn’t have had time.

And I spoke to you at the time about the photographs and the entry. You even wrote an entry yourself. If you changed your mind at some point in the intervening year you have to LET ME KNOW. Do I have to check with you daily?
Comment ID: 3341
At 8:50 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish typed

Yaaarrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! Fierce anger there!!!!!!!!!! Ooooohhhharrrrrrr!!!!!

What do you call a pirate who poses for Playgirl?
A Play-matey!

Haa-harrrrrrr!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3342
At 9:00 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish wrote

Yah-haa-harrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! Ship-mates… don’t be squabbling!!!!!!! cheer yerselves up with this mighty joke!

What do you call a pirate who poses for Playgirl?
A Play-matey!
Comment ID: 3343
At 9:02 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish said

Yaaahaaarrrr-doh!

I do so agopolise!
Comment ID: 3344
At 9:25 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Anthony posted

Dean! Don’t you know there’s a crackdown on internet piracy? Don’t be so out in the open!
Comment ID: 3345
At 10:14 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, daragh attested

Anthony – Read your gmail
Comment ID: 3346
At 10:23 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, dogboy discoursed

Fart jokes, I missed the fart jokes,
you go away, lose track of time, and then you miss the fart jokes,
Fuck, Damn, Bollocks, piss flaps, ratbags, nipple crackers !.

ps anto keep my secret identity secret please,
ta
d.b.
Comment ID: 3347
At 11:05 am on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish realised it was important that we all should understand

Well Shiver me timbers!!! Auld’ Cap’n Evil Badfish don’t rightly know what te say! Fart jokes eh? I can’t say I heard o’ them ones! But I’ll try and find a few. From Zanzibar to Timbuktoo… I’m sure to find a few!

Yaaarrrrrrhhhhh me laddy!!!!! Anthony, come join me. Cyber Piracy is alive and well – ha-harrr, me laddy!!!!
Comment ID: 3348
At 2:10 pm on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, JIMI said

and to think, we all used to get on so well here…
Comment ID: 3349
At 2:35 pm on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Babs stated

Look at that. I go to Long Island for the better part of ONE day and I miss everything!!

Anthony, since this is your blog AND you live in Queens, I shall hold you responsible for the shoddy condition of the # 7 train.
Comment ID: 3350
At 4:51 pm on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, daragh professed

gottchas
Comment ID: 3352
At 8:48 pm on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Babs declared

I saw that movie!!
Comment ID: 3353
At 9:36 pm on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Anthony started typing, with this result

What movie?

Anyway, as tensions flare and subside, and the day draws to a close, I would like to acknowledge Dean as being the only person who properly celebrated International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I would have, but I was at work.

F… I mean Dogboy, the fart jokes are archived for all to read – just read the comments on the last few posts. If you have time.

Eleanor, why was there mud in your hair?

Dean, which browser are… I mean, arrr, which browser be you using for your voyages ‘twixt the corners of the vast oceans of the internet, matey? Arrrr.

And yes, I am responsible for the state of the 7 train.
Comment ID: 3354
At 11:23 pm on Monday 19th 2005f September 2005, Babs professed

The movie ‘Gotcha’ I remember seeing it YEARS ago when we first got our VCR.

Why did I think International Talk Like a Pirate Day was in November? I even did a proper pirate post last year, dammit.

I’ve missed it now.

Argh, I be annoyed!!
Comment ID: 3355
At 3:56 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, daragh was compelled to share

You’ve been punked – all of you! – Like James & Anthony – Foolin me – Foolin you !
It was like Bobby coming out of the shower in Dallas- twas all a dream.
I ask the Lord Anthony (the Almighty) and all his angels and saints, in what i have done and what I have failed to do….... to forgive me, if i have offended thee, i’m truly sorry – it won’t happen again, and i’ll be a good boy from now on, i’ll behave.
The photos?.... Like Jonny Logan says whats another year…the photos were good times and i hope they remain.
Jean Luc Goddard was right…. All you need to make a movie is a girl and a gun…...and it went off…
‘Here endith the lesson’

React React React
Comment ID: 3356
At 3:58 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish typed

Ha-Harrrr!!!!! And Yarrrrrrrrhhhh!!!! C’mon ye scurvy dags!!! Tis another day, another voyage on the deadly seas!!! I think I’ll go kill a Balooga today for me breakfast!! For I am Capain’ Evil Badfish the 1st! Admiral Anthony – Me ship be sailing with an Explorer 5.1 mainsail on an old mac! But maybe, being a pirate and all, I may commondere a new vessel for your like!!! Arrrrrhhhh, ha-harrrrrr!!!!!!! Set sail for Zanzibarrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3357
At 4:00 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish professed

Yaarrrrhhh… a sea farin’‘ funny!!!

Why’s a condom like a submarine? Cuz’ it’s full o’ Seamen!!! Ha-yaaarrrrrrr!!!!!! Ha-ha-ha-ha-harrrr!!!!!!!!! Where’s my Balooga!
Comment ID: 3358
At 4:01 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish professed

Har! hoist the jolly roger!
Comment ID: 3359
At 5:41 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, eleanor started typing, with this result

You said I was dragged through mud, hence my comment…
I have actually been to Zanzibar and it is well worth the visit. Me Matey. Har.
Comment ID: 3360
At 8:02 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish stated

HU!?? Mud you say young Elli!!! Poor thing!!! Well boil my barnacles!!! aah Zanzibarrrrrrhhhhh-yarrrhhhh!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3361
At 8:39 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs started typing, with this result

Barnacles also be good sauteed with butter and shallots!! Argh ye, um, ah, landlubbers!!

Hey, just because they’re pirates does NOT mean the can’t cook a nice meal ok…
Comment ID: 3362
At 8:43 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs asserted

Daragh—you don’t happen to look like Ashton Kutcher, do you??

Argh.
Comment ID: 3363
At 8:45 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs opined

(That was said in a piratical sense)
Comment ID: 3364
At 8:46 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish professed

Yarrrhhhhh!!!! And Oysters too! Aaarhhhh!!!!! Ha-harrrrrhhhh!!!!! Good for yar wood!!!!!!!!!! Terrible time I spent, stuck on that island with only Oysters for food! T’was hard, very hard!! Yaaarrrhhhhh!!!
Comment ID: 3365
At 8:50 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish opined

Aarrhhh me lassy!!! I fear young Daragh be dead so ‘e is. He died wrestling Canadian Jim out by the Ucaton penninsula 3 days ago.

As for ‘is looks, t’was ner a pretty sight attall!!!!
Much worse affer he an’ Canadian Jim got together!
Comment ID: 3366
At 9:04 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish posted

What is the one thing a pirate is afraid of?

ARRRRRRHHmageddon!

Alas, the waves’ all gone still now… not seen land for days and scurvy’ settin’ in. Bin’ drinking’ piss now too for a time and smellin’ like a mermaid’s armpit!!! Not seen land fur days!!! Fadin’ fast.
Comment ID: 3368
At 10:38 am on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs stated

Not seen land for days??

Looked behind you, you piratical twit!!

Why am I scared of Matt Jones and his links?? Argh!!
Comment ID: 3369
At 2:53 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, JIMI discoursed

The plot thickens. But I don’t buy the whole Bobby Ewing thing. Too far-fetched for me…

I saw the best ever episode of Seinfeld the other night. Think I saw it before but last night I realised how perfect it was. You know the “yadda yadda, anti-dentite” one, where Mickey and Kramer (what a duo) are dating two girls but they’re not sure who’s dating who and Mickey ends up dating the wrong girl. And Jerry’s dentist converts to Juadaism but Jerry’s convinced it’s just so he can use Jewish humour. There’s a brilliant scene where Jerry goes into a confession box to talk to the priest who shares his dentist. Jerry looks at the kneeling thingy (what are they called) and thinks he has to sit on it. The priest slides open the window to see Jerry’s eyes peering up at him from down below. Boy I wish I taped that one…
Comment ID: 3370
At 3:14 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, D posted

The pirate theme so energetically pursued reminds of an amusing anectdote found in St Augustine’s City of God. A pirate had been harassing the merchant fleet of the Emperor Alexander causing much devastation and considerable financial loss. Eventually, despite his considerable skill, courage and cunning he was captured. He was brought before the emperor, who could not conceal his admiration for his adversary. Why, he asked, is a man of your undoubted talents a pirate? The pirate replied: I have fifty ships, that is why I am a pirate; you have 5000 that is why you are an emperor. ( I should add that the figures are indicative and do not pretend to precise historical .
accuracy)
PS Greying?? Intellectual??? How reliable is Anthony? I can also suppose Daragh was, in his indignation, seeking for anything to throw at the maestro of the blog.
Comment ID: 3371
At 4:15 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, JIMI asserted

After careful analysis of writing style, initials of first name, etc, my suspicions have been proved correct…

Brace yourselves, Ladies and Gentlemen….

D is Daragh and Daragh is D!

It all adds up, doesn’t it? Have you ever noticed they’re both never in the room at the same time…
Comment ID: 3372
At 4:28 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs posted

If Woody had gone right to the police, none of this would have happened….
Comment ID: 3373
At 5:20 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, JIMI started typing, with this result

Who’s Woody?
Comment ID: 3374
At 8:05 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs testified

You don’t know who Woody Woodpecker is??
Comment ID: 3375
At 8:35 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Anthony typed

I know who Woody Woodpecker is, but I still don’t get the reference.

That Matthew Jones comment is borderline spam, but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt and let it stand in case it’s genuine. Any more like that and I will act!

And I’m not sure if I approve of pirate-speaking in any other than an officially sanctioned context. Talk Like a Pirate Day was yesterday. Please bear that in mind.

And I’m sorry about the inaccurate apostrophe a few posts ago and getting Roger Ebert’s identity wrong.
Comment ID: 3376
At 9:17 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, JIMI felt the urge to write

That’s okay Anthony. Even you can make mistakes. Wow, that was an interesting plot-twist by Daragh. He outdid me there in the postmodern stakes. (People who know me will know that I bandy the word “postmodern” about willy nilly with careless abandon. It’s a phrase I use for anything I can’t understand. It’s also an attempt to receive approval from the aloof one they call ‘D’...
Comment ID: 3377
At 9:45 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs was inspired to add

There was one cartoon where Woody was down on his luck, or getting into trouble (I forget which), and they kept going back to this one guy who would say ‘If Woody had gone right to the police…’

Of course, no one got the reference, but hell it made me giggle.

Also, I may be forced to blatantly disregard the ‘Pirate Mandate’ until midnight tonight, seeing as I missed the actual holiday.

Take that you, erm, scallywags!!
Comment ID: 3378
At 9:47 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Babs said

And Jimi— willy-nilly is MY word, damn you.
Comment ID: 3379
At 10:15 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Ivan professed

I don’t know what to say, where is nigel. Help nigel, enter the forum (admittedly at the risk of insult and ridicule from those of diminutive penis size). Only your contribution stands a chance of ending this virus of post happy drivel. Bring back the kraut ranting!!!
Comment ID: 3380
At 10:24 pm on Tuesday 20th 2005f September 2005, Ivan wrote

Oh i finally plucked up the courage to join the blarguement and my bloody password doesnt work.
Comment ID: 3381
At 12:57 am on Wednesday 21st 2005f September 2005, JIMI asserted

BABS>>> er…were you impressed?
Comment ID: 3382
At 2:01 am on Wednesday 21st 2005f September 2005, JIMI was compelled to share

IVAN>> I’ll read your addition to the blargument when I get a chance. May I just say, your Gravatar is ideally suited to blarguing. I emailed my own response to Anthony but it wasn’t formulated enough to post…
Comment ID: 3383
At 3:27 am on Wednesday 21st 2005f September 2005, Babs declared

If impressed really means ‘not very impressed in the least’, then YES.

(I’m just SO mean!!)
Comment ID: 3384
At 3:53 am on Wednesday 21st 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish discoursed

Ha-harrr!!!!!!! There I was, at the end of me rope, me mouth as dry as a barnacles bollox on the beach!!! All hope lost of ever finding land again!!!!

But hark!!!! (Yaaarrrrhhhhh!!!!! I be a Posh Pirate!)... I sees another day!!!!!! (No grammar nazis – “Sees” as in ‘saw’, not seize!) So ‘ere I am, back with me rapier an’ me cannon to plunder an’ pillage where ever I can!!!!!

Anywan for de plunderings!!!!! 5 for fifty de plunderings!!!!! (Aaaarrhhhh!!! I do agopolise for that, slip o’ me accent!!!!!)
Comment ID: 3385
At 3:57 am on Wednesday 21st 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish channelled

Oh, yaaarrrrrhhh!!!! And what’s his I ‘ears about Pirate Say!!!!???

Tiz’nt it sooo, that every day be Pirate Day!!!!! Yaaarrrrhhhhhh!!!!!!

May God come down upon thee all like a mighty sperm whale and shower yee all in foam, ye scurvy dags!!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3386
At 5:04 am on Wednesday 21st 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish attested

Anthony. Anthony!!!! Help me, please. This, this Pirate thing. It began as something innocent. It suited the Gravitar. It was so… innocent.

But then… it seemed to take control. And then you said it was Pirate Day! How could that be? Coincidence? How? It’s taking over. The Gravitar, it’s evil. Help me Anthony. Help before…. oh no.

sshhhh, he’s here, he’s listening. No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3389
At 12:12 pm on Wednesday 21st 2005f September 2005, Ivan realised it was important that we all should understand

I get to be the magic comment number!
Oh yeah!
Comment ID: 3390
At 6:15 am on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish started typing, with this result

Aaaaha-har-haaa!!!!!! Arrrrrr-haaaarrrrrrrrr-haaaahhhhhh-harrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Haaarrrrrr-haaaaaaa-ha-ha-haa-ha-ha-haaaaa!!!!!!

Yaarrrrrrhhhhhh-ha-ha-haa-harrrrrrrhhh!!!!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3391
At 9:53 am on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Babs posted

Are you sure about that Cap’n?? And, um, yo ho. Or something.
Comment ID: 3392
At 10:24 am on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish opined

Yaarrrrrhhhhhh!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3393
At 12:44 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Babs testified

I heard that, as well. Don’t know if it’s true, mind.
Comment ID: 3394
At 12:47 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Anthony declared

Hello Cap’n. Is Dean in there? I’d like to talk to Dean.

Dean! Dean! Come on out! You can do it! Change your gravatar! Everything’s going to be ok!
Comment ID: 3395
At 1:53 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, JIMI channelled

and yet again we miss the magic number of comments. and we all know whose fault it is, don’t we?
Comment ID: 3396
At 6:38 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Babs posted

Well I can SAFELY say, Jimi, that it WASN’T me. So there. Pbbt!!

Anthony, do you suppose the Cap’n has mutiny on his mind??

And where HAS Nigel gone off to??
Comment ID: 3397
At 7:33 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, JIMI stated

Babs… you abstained admirably – as did we all. Alas, it was not meant to be. A fatal combination of Anthony’s tardiness and Deans, er pirateness, so to speak – was to put a halt to the eternal quest for the perfect 69 comments – the holy grail of blogsters, geeks and perverts alike…

I fear now the chance may never come our way again…
Comment ID: 3398
At 10:01 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Ivan discoursed

I have spent 2 days on the piss with Nigel discussing many things, some of which simon wiesenthal(dodgy spelling probably, im a drunk philistine what do you expect?) would have been compelled to place unfair criticisim upon. Be assured the original grammar nazi will return to defend the rights of unlawfull seemingly(in the eyes of prevailent media politics, lawfull) disguised, oh bollocks i’ve lost the orwellian train of thought, isn’t that a faschist bitch?? Kraut Rambling Ahoy!!!! AAAARRRRRRRRR!! Bring back Nigel! Jesus if this goes on Ask anthony will have a Nigel quotient of less than 35%!! surely not. Lordy lordy i’m pissed. Jealous Dean? you should be, this shite comes without the influence of absinthe or illegal drugs. AAARRRRRRR!!! me arse grapes are agrivatin me rickets.
Comment ID: 3399
At 10:02 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Babs blurted

AHEM. I doth believe you mean MALE blogsters, geeks, and perverts.

I’m not sure about the pirates, mind. They can be REALLY weird, so the landlubbers say.
Comment ID: 3400
At 10:14 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Ivan announced

Fellow Blog commentators I call upon your sence of fairness to push nigel bellow the 35% mark, he is temporarilly indisposed,(being in Ireland and thus technologically retarded), now is the time!!! push for 35%, anthony, have you ever thought of asking yourself questions? Hey thats a good Question. Jesus I just looked at my spelling, i can’t tell any more, goddamn whiskey.
Comment ID: 3401
At 10:24 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Ivan attested

Did you just censor me? What’s wrong with arse grapes and rickets?? Maybe it’s the Wiesienthal reference? Shit I thought that was witty.
Comment ID: 3402
At 10:29 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, Ivan opined

Please excuse my unfair assumtion Anthony, this means Babs and I are sharing time on your site which must also mean I am up far too late!! Which also implies/proves I am drunk in a glorious Nigel type way! Hooray for abstinence from illegal drugs!!
Comment ID: 3403
At 11:25 pm on Thursday 22nd 2005f September 2005, JIMI said

BABS... when one uses the word ‘perverts’ the adjective ‘male’ is implied…
Comment ID: 3404
At 2:38 am on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, JIMI blurted

NIGEL... come out of hiding!!! The blog needs you, no matter what Daragh says…
Comment ID: 3405
At 2:39 am on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, JIMI blurted

DARAGH>> come out of hiding… the blog needs you. WEE JIMMY is gone…
Comment ID: 3406
At 4:05 am on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish realised it was important that we all should understand

Aaarhhhhh!!!!! Me Harties!!!!! Gone a day an’ look what’s happenin’!! A mutiny!!!

I’ll skin yee all from hed te toe and feed your jiblets and yer scrotums to the sharks!!! Except far you young Babs. I’m guessing you don’t have a scro’um!! Hopefully not anyways, else my mental image of you be slightly tarnished!
Comment ID: 3407
At 4:07 am on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish stated

An’ as far yer great 69!!! Well maties, I did’nt know. Even if I did I would’nt give a whales wank anyway!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3408
At 4:09 am on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish posted

As far youooooo Ivan!! You be a strange fello’ indeedy! Very strange. Yaaaarrhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Comment ID: 3409
At 4:13 am on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Cap'n Evil Badfish stated

And Admiral Anthony!! Yaaarrrhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! And yaaarhhhh some more!!!!!! and there’s a lot more Aaarrrrrhhhhh to come too!!!!! Ha-haahhhhrrrrrr!!!!
Comment ID: 3411
At 4:18 am on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, daragh professed

I’m back again!!!!
Anthony, honestly.! What the fuck is going on!!!
Tell Ivan to stop spouting cack!!!!!!!
Jimi to!!! Knobhead!!!!!!
Comment ID: 3415
At 1:34 pm on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Babs typed

I’d forgotten that, Jimi.

The mental image of me ought only be tarnished by funky ol’ teeth and spazzery, Cap’n, as obviously I’m not equipped with those other bits and pieces you’re wittering on about, ta so much.

Does this mean I’m exempt from walking the plank, too??

Daragh—-none of this is at it seems. We’re all holograms.
Comment ID: 3416
At 1:47 pm on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, JIMI decided it was worth pointing out

Daragh. Thanks for the compliment but I think it’s fair to say that you too have proven yourself in the field of ‘spouting cack’. Some would say you’ve excelled in the sport… Great to have you back… I found that Bobby Ewing twist a bit much to take at first but it’s sort of growing on me now… A bit of a Philip K. Dick touch, perhaps? First Rushdie, next Dick (no pun intended)... whatever next?
Comment ID: 3417
At 2:14 pm on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Anthony professed

Ok, that wasn’t Daragh that was Dean. Pseudonyms are fine but from now on any impersonation gets axed.
Comment ID: 3420
At 3:50 pm on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Babs imparted

Dammit, and there was me about to break into my famed Ethel Merman impersonation!!

You’ll all just have to wonder now.

(And I still say we’re all holograms)
Comment ID: 3421
At 3:57 pm on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, Anthony stated

Well, I guess dead people or celebrities are probably ok…

Godammit, am I going to have to make some Ask-Anthony-style rules for the comments now?
Comment ID: 3422
At 4:05 pm on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, JIMI felt the urge to write

Just so everyone knows. Comment no. 94 should have been me imitating Anthony (complete with URL link and gravatar), saying “And this time I mean it”. It only lasted a couple of minutes before Anthony cruelly culled it (nifty alliteration, eh?). I assure you it was very funny. Even Anthony himself confessed to me that he suppressed a giggle before deleting it with extreme prejudice. It wasn’t quite as funny as the famed “Wee Jimmy” joke or the notorious “bed anecdote”, but it was a moment…
Comment ID: 3423
At 6:37 pm on Friday 23rd 2005f September 2005, JIMI testified

And YES, Anthony, since you bring it up – you ARE going to have to make up some Ask-Anthony style rules for the comments now.

Who said blogging was easy? Maybe you should have thought twice before entering the murky underworld of blogging. I’m beginning to wonder are you up to the job at all?

Rumour has it that Dean and Daragh are planning a guerilla blog, and you know something? I can’t blame them.

It’s shape up or ship out time Mr Litton. You have been warned…
Comment ID: 3586
At 12:24 pm on Sunday 25th 2005f September 2005, Nigel discoursed

Hey y’all. Here’s Johnny.

I see some of you have kept my seat warm … thank you.

Now, about this train of drivel. Please desist, all of you who have contributed to the outpouring of typed slush I see here. There’s too much to read! I don’t have the time!

I’m hungry. Time to explore some more of Camden’s food establishments.

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